A Toy's Life
by Dead Uchiha
Summary: Oh WTF? Sasuke and Itachi are helpless plushies under the possession of one evil little girl! Oh no! How much more awful could it get? [Uchihacest,TOYS,NC,MM,YAOI,AU,Parody] Quite possibly the most effed up thing I've ever written. Crack.


This fic is dedicated to OneSickMind, who writes the smutty violence that keeps me bleeding for more. And also to Smurf-chan, who brings the lusty-badness with a vengeance.

**A/N:** Oh holy crap. I've been working on this fic since…a long time. And I think…I…I think it might be done! YAY! I finished something! I can't hardly believe it! This has got to be the silliest, most insane thing I have ever written…well, maybe not but still. **Update: So I did some minor editing…and I may actually go back in and redo a couple of things later…not sure yet…I wanted some things to be clearer than I think they came out. If you notice a mistake, feel free to point it out so I'll know for later. I always miss stuff.**

**Summary:** Oh WTF?!? **Sasuke** and **Itachi** are helpless plushies under the possession of one evil **Mary Sue! **Oh no! How much more awful could it get?!?

**Warnings: Crack.** Extremely suggestive dialogue and violence. **Uchihacest. TOYS **…wait…maybe it should be **PLUSHIES.** Just to be safe I'll say, **N/C, M/M, YAOI**. I think it should be fairly obvious that this is an **AU** …or maybe it is the really real world?? **Parody. **

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own Sasuke and Itachi plushies, let alone a popular manga which would earn me tons of money. I do, however, have a Sasuke keychain which I keep on my zipper. He keeps getting all tangled with the Naruto keychain on the other zipper so I'm always yelling, "Damn it, Sasuke!" whenever I want to unzip my purse. People like to look at me funny…

**Feedback: **Is highly appreciated. (This piece is mostly dialogue. I hope it isn't confusing…)

**Key: **  
This is narration.  
"Normal speech."  
_"Plushy speech."_

**A Toy's Life**

Once upon a time there was a cute little plushy doll named Sasuke-plushy who was the cutest plushy there ever was. Well, he was the cutest little plushy little Mary Sue had ever seen. She loved to cuddle with him. It was her very favorite thing to do. Everyday, little Mary Sue would come home from school and run to her room and jump on her bed and tackle the adorable plushy and play with him for hours. She just loved to squeeze him and snuggle him and love him. She loved him more and more every day.

Cute little Sasuke-plushy hated his existence. He hated that girl. He hated getting cuddled and squished and pawed. He hated it more than anything else in the world…well…except for his bastard brother plushy who just happened to share a spot on the bed right next to him.

Every day, Itachi-plushy would talk to him and say the most horrible things.

_"Foolish little brother. It does no good to just lay there and angst. You know, my favorite part is when she makes us--"_

"SHUT UP! STOP TALKING TO ME! I HATE YOU!"

Itachi-plushy was the most sadistic plushy there ever was. Poor Sasuke-plushy hated him ever so much. He hated him more than he hated the evil little girl.

_"Aw, you know you like it, little brother. You wait for her come home every day."_

"No! I dread it! I hate it! And I hate you! It's disgusting and if I could I would vomit on your disgusting face!"

"I like it. A lot. More than anything actually. I can't get enough. You're just so fun to tormen--"

"SHUT UP!!"

"Mmmm…being close to you…rubbing against you…oooooh god--"

"STOP IT ITACHI!"

"Oh…little brother…just imagining it…oh yeah…"

"SHUT! UP!"

"Oh god…I can't wait…oh…oh yeah…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Oh yes! Yes! Just like that!"

"ITACHI!"

"Oh yeah! Say my name! YES!"

"AAAAAAAAARGH! STOP!"

"OH YEAH! SCREAM FOR ME LITTLE BROTHER!"

"I HATE YOU ITACHI! YOU SICK DISGUSTING BASTARD!"

"Now, now, little Sasuke…just relax and learn to enjoy it."

"NO! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU! I WANT YOU TO DIE!"

"No you don't."

"I hate you…I hate you so much…I hate you…"

"Oh yes…hate me…hate me Sasuke…yeah…"

"Itachi! Damn it! Stop! Why do you always have to be like this?"

"Because I want you… I want you to hate me…it makes me so hot knowing that I'm the only thing you ever think about."

"It's not you I'm thinking about! It's your horrible! Painful! Death!"

"It gets you excited doesn't it…when you think about how good it will feel to feel my insides spilling out onto you…"

"…No. It doesn't."

"Oh yes it does. It doesn't just get you excited…it gets you off."

"Yeah right! Disgusting pervert."

Just then, as Sasuke-plushy was certain he couldn't take anymore, little Mary Sue burst into the room and glomped him ferociously.

"WEEEEEE! SASuKE-KUN!"

_"Oh! Look who's here!"_

"Oh god…no…"

Mary Sue snuggled Sasuke-plushy and rubbed his face on her cheek. "I missed you very much Sasuke-kun! All day I was thinking about all the fun we going to have today!"

_"I hate you."_

"Oh goody! She's in the moood."

"And how are you today, Itachi?"

_"I'm great."_

"Ne, Sasuke-kun? Were you a good boy today?"

_"Fuck you!"_

"Itachi-kun? Did Sasuke-kun behave himself today?"

_"No."_

Mary Sue lifted Itachi-plushy up to her ear, still rubbing Sasuke-plushy's face on her other cheek.

_"I tried to get him to play nice, but he insists on making things difficult."_

"What?" Mary Sue stopped rubbing Sasuke-plushy on her face and sat him down on her knee. "He was naughty, you say?" She sat Itachi-plushy down on her other knee.

_"Fuck you, Itachi!"_

"Yes, please."

"Sasuke…" Mary Sue wiggled Itachi-plushy. "I see…you've gotten stronger…but you are still weak." She made Sasuke-plushy bounce up and down. "I've waited my whole life to kill you! It's time to die!"

_"Don't I wish…"_

"Aw…foolish little brother."

"Foolish little brother." Mary Sue made Itachi-plushy hop over next to Sasuke-plushy. "You'll never kill me." She paused, then moved Itachi-plushy just a hairs breadth from Sasuke-plushy's face as she continued. "Why will you never kill me?"

_"Because he's weak." _

"Because you're weak. And why are you still so weak?"

_"Because he lacks hatred."_

"Because you lack…"

_"Hatred."_

"Hatred."

_"All I have is hatred! You dumb bitch!"_

"Apparently it's not enough, little brother."

"I guess I'll need to teach you how to hate." Mary Sue hopped Sasuke-plushy away from Itachi-plushy, but he could only get as far as her arm could reach. "No! Itachi niisan! No!"

_"Oh, what the fuck…"_

"Hn." 

"This is bullshit."

"AAAAAAAAAH! MMMPH!" Mary Sue slammed Itachi plushy's body into Sasuke plushy's, then smashed them both face-down onto the mattress.

_"MMMPH!" _

"Woohoo!" 

"No! NO! Please stop!" Mary Sue rammed Itachi-plushy down into Sasuke-plushy repeatedly with all her might.

_"Oh YES! YES!"_

"Why?! WHY?!? Why do I exist?!"

"My favorite part is when she makes us kiss. I don't know why. Just…our faces rubbing together…mmmmmmm. I think I like it even more than when she lays me on my back and makes you bounce up and down on me. It's a tough call. Oh Sasuke, I have to say, I do very much love slamming you from behind. But I think I…I think I like taking it more. I hope she switches us around."

"I hope she makes you rub your face on my crotch!"

"So you like it when she does that?"

Mary Sue switched them so Itachi-plushy was on his back and gently bounced Sasuke-plushy up and down on him.

_"No. But your incessant talking is muffled when she does that."_

"You like it."

"I like pretending I'm stomping you to death."

"Whatever does it for you."

"Shut up."

"Mmm…My favorite part." 

"You know what Itachi?"

"Mm…"

"I hate you."

"Mmmm…"

"I want to kill you."

"Mmm!"

"I want to rip you apart and laugh at your mangled remains."

"Mmmm!"

"And I want to stand there and continue to stomp you while I laugh. And when I'm done laughing I'll laugh again. I'll be so happy."

"Ah…"

"It's my dream to kill you, Itachi."

"Aaaah!"

"It's the only thing I want."

"Oh…oh…oh yeah…"

"I hate you!

"Uh!"

"Die Itachi!"

"Ah! Yeah!"

"DIE!"

"YEAH!"

"DIE!"

"OH!"

"DIE!"

"OH GOD! YES!"

"DIE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! OOOOO! OH! OH! YES! YES! YES! Aaaaaaah! Oh yes…oh…oh god…yeah…yeah…aaah…mmmm…mm…oooooh….that was the best."

"You're so disgusting."

"Aw, foolish little brother…"

And it went on and on and on like that for hours and hours and hours until Mary Sue got tired and decided it was time to cuddle and go to sleep.

"Sweet dreams, Sasuke-kun…"

_"Oh please…please…someone…please save me…"_

Poor Sasuke-plushy…poor, poor Sasuke-plushy.

_"Foolish little brother. It does no good to just lay there and angst. You know, my favorite part is when she makes us--"_

"SHUT UP! STOP TALKING TO ME! I HATE YOU!"

Itachi-plushy was the most sadistic plushy there ever was. Poor Sasuke-plushy hated him ever so much. He hated him more than he hated the evil little girl.

_"Aw, you know you like it, little brother…"_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thanks for reading all the way to the end! So was it awful? Should there be more description? I was a little worried about this one because it's so…well…weird. Well, I hope I at least coaxed out a chuckle or two. If that has been accomplished then I am satisfied.

**P.S. **Thank you so much to all my kind reviewers! You all made me grin wide.

()v

Oh yeah, and I am working on another one…just don't ask when it will be done…


End file.
